Waffles are from Mars...

The male mind is a waffle whereas the female mind is much more like spaghetti.

Men compartmentalize their thoughts into many little squares & that looks like this:



This can be very frustrating for women because men really do have a one track mind, its just not necessarily sex all the time. They just only focus on one area at once.

When a man is in his "food" square nothing else matters or is really on his mind except that cheeseburger. This is why a woman cannot even try to talk to her man about their relationship or bills, whatever the case may be while he is playing video games. He is in "video games" box. It is very difficult to get a man to talk about one square when his mind is firmly rooted in a different square.

A woman's mind resembles spaghetti because all of her thoughts are connected and jumbled together just like noodles. That looks like this:



Men can find women confusing and frustrating because they jump from topic to topic and sometimes overwhelm them with different issues all at once.

Women are never thinking about just one thing. They get stressed easily and it's clear to see why when all of her thoughts are intertwined and left with nothing to separate them. While at work a woman is thinking about finances, dinner, her significant other, her kids, everything. That is just how a woman's mind is designed.

So give each other a break, look at how your significant other's mind works.

ALL DIAGRAMS by Cinderella herself :)

Is it just me?

Ok I feel like after people get nose jobs, no matter what their nose previously looked like, their noses always look worse after the surgery.

I can look at a person and tell if they've had a nose job, even if I've never seen them before.

Its like you get a nose job and then you look like you need one, because your new one is ugly and looks fake and chiseled and plastic-y.

Does that make sense?

Examples:

Attention Redneck Bachelors:

Unless you are Woody from Toy Story, yelling "There's a snake in my boot!" at the top of your lungs, and for no apparent reason, is not a great way to pick up the ladies.

The only "woody" around was the one in your pants you pervert.

The bestie & I went to the lake and yes, this actually happened.

& yes I made fun of his ass.

You know me; never one to disappoint. :]

This lake also had, "Swim with CAUTION: Alligators" signs. What kind of people in their right minds would venture into such waters?

;]

It was an eventful trip to say the least.

MOMENT OF THE DAY: *Redneck dad apologizing to his daughter when people showed up to pick up the raft they left behind*

QUOTE OF THE EFFING YEAR: "Daddy was gonna tug-a-lug you in the raft, but I guess its theirs."

Dat's Fine

I feel that in order to speak Ebonics or "talk ghetto", one must be able to pronounce black people's names correctly.

I had a substitute last week that fit the white girl that wants to be black description only she was like 35. She spoke normally until she started talking directly to black kids in my class. Then she turned into Shaniqua. It was hilarious.

She could NOT however pronounce any of their names. She would apologize and try to compensate her mistakes by saying, "Some people juss say dey names different and dasss fine," EVERY time she said someone's name incorrectly. She did that about 10 times. Not kidding.

Then my best friend's mom, before I even told anyone this story, did something similar.

She was talking about stealing a picture of me that I posted online, only her normal mom voice was out the window and she said, "Put ya pictcha up an' I'ma take it, dass all." It was hilarious.

Needless to say, the bestie and I applied these sentence structures to every possible situation ALL day long.

Example:

"That purse is ugly."

"Some people like dey purses like dat. An' dasss fine."

*insert uncontrollable laughter here*

Its fun. Try it.

I see you sometimes..

Last year I had a stalker.

Its okay, do not be alarmed. He was merely a harmless curly-headed skateboarder, but apparently he knew me very well the day I first met him.

I'm minding my own business in the middle of the auditorium when he approaches my friends and me and strikes up a conversation. THEN, out of the blue he turns to me and says, "Do you have B lunch?"

And I had to respond,"Um, yes I do?"

"Yeah, I see you sometimes."

Who says that?? Creepy. I Know.

Then everyday he would pass me in the hallway and make remarks to his friends or flash me a smile, and my friends all knew him as Cinderella's Stalker.

Now a year later, I run into him at Taco Bell, where he just happens to be employed. He asks me if I remember him and continuously made excuses to be close to our table. It was highly entertaining.

The best friend's dad didn't think so. If only looks could kill.

How to spot the: I wish I was black, white girl

How to spot a white girl that desperately wishes she were black and would do anything to be noticed by grill wearing, pistol toting thugs.

(My fool-proof checklist) =]

Okay first of all, they ALL have physical characteristics that are the furthest thing from black you can think of:

* freckles & pale as hell - think Casper the friendly ghost
* no booty whatsoever - trade in those Apple Bottoms for Pancake Bottoms
* nappy, greasy, ugliest shade of red ever hair piled on top of their heads [if you're lucky you might even spot one with dreads, thats a sure-fire indicator!]

Then you got the messed up grill, I'm talking summer teeth : some are over here, some are over there. Ew.

And don't forget the big wad of chewing gum that'll be smackin' loud and clear. This one will be painfully impossible to ignore.

As far as body type goes? They are never just average sized women, ohhh no. They are either crack-head skinny, chunky as hell, or just plain fat asses.

I think its also a requirement to speak more "ghetto" than all normal black people put together and multiply that by 10. Seriously, have you ever heard anyone sound so ridiculous? If so, you've sure picked a winner.

Don't even get me started on these hoes and their clothing choices.

They wear the most fake, turn your ears green gold, ever made and in large quantities.

Accessories are intended to enhance your outfit, no need for 8 chains from Walmart, 3 rings on every finger, and a gazillion pairs of earrings that say:

* your name
* your baby daddy's name
* your god-kid's name
* and the "hood" you're from
* ALL in cursive across bamboo hoops.

SO not necessary!

And PLEASE stop with the tattoos of YOUR name. No need for permanent ink, seriously.

If you are still having problems remembering your own name and are old enough to get a tattoo, you need more help than anyone without a degree can give.

No offense to women with tongue rings, but when these girls have them [and trust me, they ALL do] it looks trashy as hell.

They have to be wearing a polyester track suit too. It's a must.

Thats not Baby Phat, that's just FAT baby.

Adventures of a Mall Rat

I am often amazed at the things that I witness when I go to the mall.

Yesterday's excursion was certainly no exception.

Ok first of all we saw this guy wearing a blue and yellow pimp suit. Complete with polyester, a tie, fedora, & shades; the works. And this wasn't a young guy mind you. The first thing I thought [and whispered to my best friend], was a line from Tyler Perry's "Media Goes to Jail."

I couldn't help myself.

"Get the hell outta here in that country suit lookin like you from AGUSTA!"

haha. If you've never seen that movie/play, you won't get the refrence and you won't find it funny, but you need to go watch it. Seriously though.

THEN! We kept on seeing these two skinhead dudes. They had shaved heads and were both wearing muscle shirts that showed off arms covered in cheap tattoos. One was kinda short and buff while his friend was tall and lanky.

Anyway. They were following us, or at least we continued to run into them. Finally though we were stopped in J.C. Penny's looking at prom dresses, when the shorter one came waltzing up all bold and what not and started talking to us.

"Hey ladies. We saw you guys and we were just wondering if you were doing anything later this week?"

I politely declined the offer for the both of us, telling them that we had boyfriends.

He kinda winced and did a little "aw shucks" snap and thanked us as well as asked us to give him credit for asking. The quiet/taller one said "I TOLD you man."

It was hilarious, but I gotta give them props though for having the balls to come up to us and put themselves out there like that. Hey at least it was a compliment to us right? =]

But probably the best occurrence of the day was this:

We were just walking, minding our own business when we heard a man behind us shout out, "BENJAMIN!" We turned and looked to see a well dressed black businessman, laughing and looking at a man that was walking in front of us. This man looked back like he knew the guy, laughed and acknowledged him, but continued walking.

Weird.

They continued this SEVERAL TIMES. When I say several, I'm being kind. The man kept on yelling out Benjamin and finally a couple of times my best friend replied "Franklin."

It was like our own game of ghetto Marco Polo.

Then, on our way out, a big truck with an extended cab was sitting in the parking lot and three young guys were in the back seat looking out the rear window at us.

Next time you decide to GAWK at two pretty girls that would never give you the time of day, make sure your windows are tinted LOSERRR!

You looked like idiots.