Most Disturbing Job EVER

You know how teachers ask everyone in the class what it is they want to be when they grow up? Kids raise their hands and call out occupations of all sorts; "I wanna be a fire fighter, police man, teacher, pilot, lawyer," and of course there is always a doctor. These jobs are all the typical answers you will hear when asking what career path people want to take. Now there are many types of doctors; surgeons, pediatricians, dentists; people that go into a medical profession want to help people to improve their health and to save lives, but who wakes up and decides, "Hey, I think I wanna be a gynecologist"???

Am I the only person concerned about the mental health and reasoning of person that could want to be an OBGYN? I mean in all seriousness who wants to look at vaginas all damn day long? I understand sex and vagina and men and the attraction there, but ok that makes male OBGYNs perverts and what about the females? If they are lesbians, which would explain the vagina fixation, they too are perverts that I would not want or trust near my vagina and if they are not lesbians then why do they want to look at vaginas all day?

Not only this, but I'm pretty sure it's not all flowers and rainbows, fresh and cleanliness in those doctor's offices. I'd say they examine at least ten vaginas a day if not more than that, (sorry if my statistics aren't up to par, I don't know all that much about vagina doctor daily routine, thank God) and probably more than half of those are nasty, hairy, fat, infected, or stinky. Not at all appealing. WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE ALL UP IN THAT EVERYDAY TO MAKE YOUR LIVING? It'd make more sense to me, the desire to be a gynecologist, if it was guaranteed that they would all be sanitary and healthy, but even that would only be a little better, but it simply isn't the case. If all vaginas were sanitary and healthy we wouldn't need such doctors.

I apologize to any OBGYNs I offend, but why are you driven to inspect va-jay-jays all day everyday?

I don't know if I am alone in this, but I just happen to find gynecology the most disturbing practice of medicine and job ever created.

Ode to Marilyn

My best friend's mother is the coolest mom EVER!

She is the only mom I know that is totally comfortable with her kids cursing like sailors and talking crudely about sex. Ok maybe she isn't so comfortable with the crude sex comments, but she deals with it and usually laughs along. She cracks me up and I can usually get her to smile too. She is so sweet and mommy-ish that when she gets angry and curses it sounds hilarious and almost out of place. "THAT IS A HUGE FUCKING BUILDING." She is the only mom I know that will literally serve her kids their drinks and meals even though they are capable teenagers and adults. And like Rach says, she knows the exact portions of food to give us. Even me. She makes the best cupcakes you've ever put in your mouth. She cracks up at the dumb stuff Rachel and I pull when out in public and rarely yells at us. =) She claims me as her own and that says a lot about her. Especially if you know me at all. haha. She is very easy to talk to and probably knows more about my current life than my own mother. We watch stoner teen flick movies with her and trade library books on dysfunctional women. Guess that says something about us? haha. I love this woman. She puts up with a lot from us kids and if/when she reads this, I hope she knows that I really appreciate her as a friend and an adopted mommy.

You Might Be A Redneck...

I will admit that I used to live in a very rural and very "hick" area of Northern Kentucky. I had a horrible country accent, worked on a farm, had cows for pets, went hunting and fishing and learned to shoot a gun way before you should ever trust a child with a gun (especially a blonde like me). As if this all wasn't bad enough, I also learned to drive a tractor before I graduated elementary school. Turns out, this would come in handy in the years to come. Yes, my high school had a tractor day. You heard me tractor DAY. It was a tradition that every year there was a day set aside that anybody could drive their tractor to school. It was a VERY big deal. People would soup up their "rides" to have the biggest, loudest, and therefore best tractor of them all. The drivers had to wake up extremely early to make it to school on time because tractors rarely exceed speeds of 35 miles per hour. I remember in middle school our bus drivers would purposely get stuck behind the trail of tractors so that we could observe all of the festivities. Thanks Mr. Bus Driver, I don't know what I'd do if I missed out on Tractor Day. One year a kid even put a big enough motor on a lawn mower and drove that thing to school. Ridiculous? Oh it gets better.

We just happened to look up and see that a helicopter was flying over our middle and high school campuses. And who was in that helicopter you ask? The morning news. Apparently it wasn't just the local news either. I got a call that afternoon from my cousin in Florida saying that he had seen the segment on our school and our makeshift tractor parade all the way down there. Thanks Mr. News Reporter Man, I don't know what the world would do if they didn't get their news fix on what the stupid rednecks in Henry County, Kentucky were doing. Even now, years later, I cannot escape the cruel jokes of my best friend's little sister about how my school actually had a day dedicated to tractors.

As if telling people that you came from Kentucky wasn't enough material for hillbilly humor.

=(

Yes, I rode a tractor to school.